


aurum

by thegirl



Series: golden days, silver nights [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 2x03, F/M, Lumberpunk, Missing Scene, sister fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:03:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl/pseuds/thegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sister fic to 'argentum'. Cal reflects on Sarah, what never was, but maybe should be, and the fact whenever he opens his eyes, Sarah is leaving him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	aurum

**Author's Note:**

> So, to those of you who read argentum, welcome back! To those of you who didn't, please read argentum after, really does not matter which order, although argentum was written first. I did give Cal a bit more backstory here than we see in the show, which is most likely not canon, but as there has been nothing saying Cal didn't fall in love with another person who died, so I'm running with it. Also I did use a bit of Hardy here, so no lawsuits please.

Cal wakes up, and for a moment forgets he has company. He quickly remembers, of course, as Sarah is not the kind of girl you forget. He hadn't before. He quickly remembers, as the mother of his child (he has a kid - holy  _shit,_ his mom was gonna be over the moon) turned over, her face relaxed in sleep.

He'd like to say she's barely aged, but that's not true. She's still beautiful, still so beautiful she makes his stomach flutter, makes his heart pound, makes him feel like a teenager, but her shell is harder, tougher, tauter. Before she was a kid, and now she isn't, before he was a kid, and now he isn't. They're older and not much wiser, and he hates how that makes his heart jump, like maybe she'll wanna settle down this time, maybe she'll wanna stay. But it's just a fantasy that slips through his fingers like sand with every second passing.

The clock on his bedside table says it's two am.

Some bitter part of him that he had tried to bury down deep inside mutters resentfully  _longer than she stayed last time._

Sarah is an old wound, the kind you trace with your fingers and want to bleed again just so you can pick the scab off, touched the layer deeper into yourself you hadn't seen before, and then pull your finger back hissing because it's like fire. She's still like fire. He still can't trust her, might never be able to trust her again, if he was a sensible person he wouldn't even consider it. It's not like she has one of those faces, more like one of those voices, when she speaks she places a spell on him.

Yeah, she's an old wound, but she's an old love too.

Cal has had two loves in his life, and in the end, they both left his life, but the difference is one went where he could not follow _(with wing of swallow, to catch a glimpse of you ever anon)_ and one returned. She shifts slightly, and Cal holds his breath, like even so much as disturbing the air will make her disappear. 

Sarah is comfortable. They fit one another, like they're jigsaw puzzle pieces, and he hates how he doesn't dare put his arm around her, put his forehead at the nape of her neck. It's too soon, and he's too scared. He wants her to stay, to never leave again.

God, Cal's a soppy bastard at two am.

Even as his eyelids begin too feel heavy, he looks at her for as long as he can. She's so beautiful, and he's so fucked.

He wakes at eight. Sarah isn't beside him anymore. His heart aches just the slightest bit, but it's okay, he's used to it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again - if you liked, please leave kudos and a comment, it means a huge deal to me. Thanks for reading!


End file.
